I have a confession to make...I can be a perfectionist. The reason why it took me so long to finally publish my blog is that I was afraid it wouldn't be perfect (duh, but you get what I'm saying, right?). My fear was that I'd start writing it and then wouldn't keep up with it, no one would care to read it, or that people would be critical. Let's just say I had LOTS of worries about the whole thing. But...God showed me that those things don't matter. I feel like He is really leading me to this and I'm ok to just go with it. All my worries were really related to my own pride and disobedience. Yes, this is a little side note, but I'm just trying to keep it honest here, and if you're feeling like the Lord is calling you to something, I would encourage you to step out in faith and just DO IT! You don't want to miss out on the blessings He has for you in your obedience to Him. Just a thought...
Anyway, to get down to what I really wanted to share. For those of you who may not know our family personally, let me give you a little background for this. After many years of infertility and failed fertility treatments, God grew our family through adoption - and we are currently waiting to be chosen for our third little one. Both our boys are adopted, and in that we have received more blessings that we could ever imagine. I have a whole different post planned on this subject (a few actually), but let's just say that we're pretty passionate about adoption in this family. Both adoptions are very open and we consider
our boys' birthmoms (and their families) as our own - we love them VERY much! So, when Ian broke his neck, one of the first things I wanted to do was to call Carie (Ian's birthmom) and tell her what was going on. What I wasn't expecting is how I felt when I actually dialed her number on my phone and then immediately burst into tears and hung up. How could I call her and tell her that her precious son which she has entrusted to Jason and I had just fallen off the couch and broke his neck? I couldn't do it! I realized that this was one of those situation in which adoption added another layer to our family. I felt horrible, and I finally asked Jason to call her because I knew I'd just be a blubbering idiot. Jason did call her and although she was worried, she completely understood that this was just an accident, and she desperately wanted to come see him. Carie lives up in Paso Robles and was going to drive down the day Ian was discharged from the hospital, so we decided she'd just meet us at our house. To be honest, I was very worried about what she'd think when she saw him in the halo. I asked God to give me strength not to completely melt down when I saw her (which He did and although I did cry a little, I didn't fall apart!). We had a great visit with her, and when she left, she said words to me that the Lord knew I needed to hear. She hugged me and said, "Thank you for taking such good care of him." It wasn't a lot, but those words were such a comfort to my aching heart. It never crossed my mind that she would even say something like that, but it really showed me that the Lord is so faithful to bring us His peace, even when we don't expect it. What a blessing.
Wondering about the "funny" part? After she left, Jason and I were talking about our next child, who we're yet to meet and hoping and praying that the birth family would be as wonderful and amazing as the ones we already have. In the midst of a pretty serious conversation, Jason started laughing, and I mean really laughing. When he can talk, he tells me of this visual he has of us meeting with an expectant mom who is considering us as parents for her child and us sharing how we'll always love and care for that baby and then there's sweet little Ian...sitting next to us in his halo with his broken neck. Maybe you had to be there, but it just reminded me that God has a sense of humor. I think He was trying to show us that He can and will do big things in our family despite any setbacks or what things may look like on the outside! We thought of putting our adoption process on hold until Ian was out of the halo and completely recovered, but we've decided to leave it to the Lord's timing. Who knows, maybe we'll get a baby in the middle of all this :)...now that would be funny (in a completely good way)!!
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